Not Cool Man

Finals week is over at last, with my final exam of the week being my Programming one at 7:30 in the morning on Friday. Overall the week wasn't too bad but the last 2 weeks following Thanksgiving Break didn't give me a lot of time to make another blog post. So now that it's Winter Break I plan on getting out at least 2-3 blog posts over the time and possibly even more. Today's idea came to me when I was riding down in the elevator after Physics one day.

I don't feel as bad when I'm not the only one being lazy.

The building that Physics is in is usually the busiest building on campus so when we were getting onto the elevator on the 3rd floor it was natural that a lot of people were gonna get on. The elevator was completely full so when we went down and it stopped at the 2nd floor the people that were waiting there were just going to wait for the next one, but one man decided he could fit. He would soon see the error in his ways.

It's now becoming obvious, that hot dog guy is an asshole.

So as we're all trying to squeeze into the elevator even tighter to fit this one guy he hits the alarm button on the elevator, which causes it to go off and the doors to remain open.

The looks say it all

And if you can't read looks have some words

The look on the guy's face was one of not only regret but disappointment, because now he was being stared at by every single person on the elevator. The elevator was now not going down anymore because the fact that the alarm went off. Everyone then had to take the stairs down from 2 and they made sure to give the guy the nastiest looks on the way off the elevator.

Now we all know why he's always crying, because he deserves it.

Something else that seems to get people aggravated in regards to the elevators there is when someone rushes to catch an elevator where everyone is going to 3 and the proceeds to press 2. I would say that that person could easily just walk the flight of stairs down from 3 but I'm also pretty lazy, I'm just thankful that I never had to do something that makes me look like a jerk like that.

Smells that Stay

It has come to my attention that it's been way too long since my last post and I need to do something to rectify that situation, so here I am. I think the thing that kinda makes me take a while in getting posts up is the drawing but that's the most fun part so I never wanted stop those. This week I kinda thought back to an idea I had a little while ago that I'm sure many people have encountered in various situations and that's the way people smell. Good or bad, you know the way people smell is gonna be interesting experience.

You're probably think what it was that made me think about the way people smell and it was a bad experience greater than any other I've had. I was sitting in Mythology one day and the class had started and no one else was around me because it was a Friday.

All the mythology is mine for the taking

But then the girl that normally sits next to me walks in and sits down. The smell that starts generating from her direction brought me back to the days of high school biology. She legitimately smelled like formaldehyde, and there was nothing that I could do about the situation because we have assigned seats.

What have I done

So I'm just kind of sitting there as she sits down and the smell just hits me in the face and I just start leaning slowly away from her. Since the guy that usually sits on the other side isn't next to me on the other side I take the opportunity to distance myself as much as possible from her.

Maximum lean angle has been reached

It worked for a while until the air would blow that smell my direction and then my concentration on the class was broken.

The whole situation made me wonder how bad someone can smell before I'm allowed to say something. Society says that it's wrong for me to tell the girl that smells extremely awful that she smells that way because it makes me seem rude, even though I'm just trying to save everyone else that might end up in that same situation. Maybe it's just because I see that girl a lot that I'm not really allowed to say she smells bad but I wonder if I were in an elevator with the same person just one time if I could say something.

In this dramatic reenactment, the part of the girl that smells like formaldehyde is played by hot dog guy.

Because in an elevator, I'm sure that I'm not the only person that is smelling the same thing, so it's just me speaking for the group at that point. It's also not like we asked to ride the elevator with someone that smelled bad, I think most of the blame falls back on that person.

He just wants to be loved

Going back to the girl in my myth class, I really wonder if she doesn't know that she smells that bad, because I was under the impression that everyone smelled the same thing. I didn't think that something that might smell really bad to one person could smell really good to someone else. I was pretty positive that perfume counters try not to sell people stuff that smells really awful, but maybe I'm wrong and they could just be selling bad smelling perfumes so you'll eventually have to cover them up with something that smells good. It's just a constant circle of horrible smells, possibly with a couple good ones in between.

Free-for-all

I realized today that my college experience seems to be filled with receiving large amounts of free stuff on a weekly basis. I already knew that it was mostly filled with free food and fliers but I was really excited when Schick was giving away free razors today. It makes me wonder how horrible something free has to be before I refuse to take it, sure it's easy to refuse things like fliers but how can you possibly refuse a free shirt.

"....and the bloodstains are practically all gone."

Now that I think about it I have a really low standard at which I take free things. I actually took a free t-shirt from the Denny's grand opening on campus not too long ago just because it was a free shirt. After I took the shirt I thought about how I would never wear it because I don't want people to think I work at Denny's. It's probably just gonna sit in my closet on a hanger waiting for a day where it can be worn, which is most likely never. There may be an odd instance where I'm gonna need clothes for painting or something and I'll have a shirt for it. Hell, I could even wear it on Halloween and be a Denny's worker, that's pretty scary.

It's almost the ghost of a person

It makes me wonder where I would draw the line of things that I would take for free, I'm pretty sure that I wouldn't take a free sample of any type of fully organic food, because I just find that stuff gross. But I say that now, and on Monday I can see them giving out like organic health bars in the union and if I'm hungry I may take a whole handful.

"What about the orphans?"

It seems that my willingness to accept something that is handed to me is based on how desperate I am in getting something free that day or if I'm really hungry. However, I think that if I were handed something a bit more dangerous than some free organic food bars then I may have another opinion on the matter all together. What if someone were to start giving out dangerous animals one day, I would most definitely accept them if they were in a cage.

And only 2 left, what are the odds

But if the dangerous animals were just released onto to campus and you had to cage them yourself then there's no way in hell I would take them, even though they're free.

They just want to give you free hugs

My limit for taking something that's free seems to all depend on how dangerous something is, and how out of the way it would be for me to get it. Free dangerous animals would be awesome if they were all in cages, because then they're not really dangerous. As soon as the animals are just let loose then I have to do too much work to get one and they're really not free anymore.

Strange Things

This past week has been pretty busy but incredibly awesome at the same, and now I'm back with a little bit of free time and ready to post something new. I've been walking around campus a lot lately and I've noticed that the sidewalks can get really awkward really fast. What I'm talking about is how you encounter someone on a sidewalk that just happens to be walking on the same side as you, prepare for the situation to get weird.

 So you think, "Ok I'll just move to the other side of the sidewalk so I can go around". But little do you know, the person walking towards you is thinking the exact same thing.

"I'm never getting to class on time"

The situation will quickly escalate from that point, and you'll both end up countering each others moves. Then when you finally run into one another, you just try and laugh it off but in reality you're crying on the inside. There was one girl that I encountered in this type of situation that had a sort of evil laugh after we couldn't figure out which way to go, like she planned. Right after we walked past each other I was thinking in my mind that she wanted me to look stupid so she was blocking my path on purpose and that's why she had an evil laugh. I've been trying to come up with a good way to stop this from happening again and I may have come up with something.

The most obvious solution is a shirt that directs anyone walking towards you to the right side of the sidewalk.

He has no pants. Get over it.

That solution however doesn't work if you encounter an illiterate on your journey, or a blind person for that matter, so you may just have to take advantage of the awkwardness and make it even more awkward. The best approach to increasing the awkwardness is to try and high five the person in the process of trying to avoid them.

High five for being awesome

The key to winning a sidewalk stare down means that you have to make the person walking towards you feel more uncomfortable then you feel. Attempting to give the person a high five definitely accomplishes this goal because most people aren't sure how to react when a stranger goes for a high five. But then what's even better is if right when they go to give you a high five, make it seem like you were waving to someone behind them then no matter if they go for the high five or not they end up in an extremely awkward position. Or you could be like that girl that I walked past that just started laughing all evil like at me as I walked past, because that planted a crazy psychological doubt in my mind about how I walk on a sidewalk.

More to Come

It's been well over a week since my latest post and I just haven't had the time to make any new drawings. I wanted to ensure whoever reads this that I still plan on posting weekly but that this week was pretty busy, and I'm pretty sure I can expect next week to be the same way. Even if it is I'm going to try and come up with another post that hopefully will make some people laugh, others cry, and the last group of people laugh at people crying. I'm going to count this as an intermediate blog post where I really don't talk about anything but it let's people know I don't want this thing to die, so I'll leave you with a song that's been in my head since I saw the band in concert on Tuesday. It's a great song that sound even better when it was played live.


Another band that was there was The Lonely Forest and they have some pretty good stuff, I might as well link to one of their songs that I think is the best.



I hope you enjoy those while I work on something that has a little bit more to it in terms of actual talking points.

The Pressure's On

I had no idea how much fun drawing bears was until I finished my last blog post. The only thing that's really annoying about drawing bears though is the fact that their eyes are all weird and so I found a way to solve that problem. Before I get to the actual topic of this post I drew you some more pictures of bears, fixing the problem that I had with their eyes.

Only you can prevent looking lame

He just wants a hug

I totally just added sunglasses so that I could just ignore drawing the eyes all together. But that's enough with the bears for this post, but expect more rogue bears later as I perfect my bear drawing abilities.

This week's topic of conversation is one that I know everyone has experienced and I guess it can be considered peer pressure. It's not the type of "come do drugs cause they're cool" peer pressure, because that's just stupid. The peer pressure I'm talking about is the kind that you experience just doing normal everyday activities like getting a drink of water from a water fountain.

It's just water, or so you think...

It starts off with it just being you behind another guy at the water fountain and you're thinking about how you'll be able to get a huge drink of water since no one's behind you. But you could only dream to be that lucky.

The point when everyone became thirsty

Suddenly, a line of 3 or 4 people forms as soon as the person before you is done getting a drink. Now the only thing that you can think about while you're getting a drink is how you're making the people behind you wait to get a drink. The pressure starts digging in, and most likely at this point the water that's coming from the fountain has decided to only come out in single drops just to build that pressure up even more. Eventually you'll leave the water fountain, getting way less to drink than you originally intended.

"That should be my water."

Now you're dehydrated still and are going to be thinking about how dry your throat is until you get something else to drink. This kind of peer pressure isn't just experienced at water fountains, it also comes up in regular conversations.

Everyone has been in the situation where they're hanging out with a large group of people, but the rest of the group is split with other conversations. So you decide this is the perfect time to tell a joke you heard to the 3 people listening.

"So a cow walks into a bar..."

But all of a sudden, the rest of the group stops talking to each other and focuses on you. You've been singled out as the only person that's carrying on a conversation anymore and everyone wants to hear what you have to say. Now that joke you're telling better make people laugh, or you kinda look like an idiot.

"And the whole village was destroyed"

You then end up realizing half way through the joke that it's really not funny at all and that it's actually a news story that you heard on CNN, how you got the two confused you'll never know. It's too late though, you already told the joke and no one laughed. The entire atmosphere has fallen into an awkward silence with you trying to hide your tears with the only laughter.

"Get it, the whole village"

The joke backfired terribly and made you look like an insensitive jerk that makes jokes about entire villages being destroyed. You might have been able to avoid the situation with the smaller group by simply saying "Oh wait, this was a story I heard" and only a few people would question how you could get 2 things like that mixed up. But after starting the joke with the larger group you can't just go back because then you've disappointed twice as many people. There's no way to win in a situation like that where the pressure is on and you realize the terrible mistake you have made when it's too late to turn back.

Results May Vary

I was thinking about what I was going to write for this week, being as I promised another post, and I don't want to disappoint whoever reads every post of this thing. So then I started thinking up what might be a good topic of conversation that could possibly end in tears, because somehow all of my drawings end in tears. The best topic that I could come up with is the best ways to impress a woman.

I'm definitely not one to be talking about the best ways to impress woman, because right now I'm single and have been for a while, but fear not. The tips that I will provide in this post will most likely gain guys some sort of attention from women but if not, at least you tried and probably failed miserably. The key to gaining anyone's attention starts with standing out of course, and the best way to stand out is by riding a pogo stick.

This is gonna be good....

Look how cool that guy is on that pogo stick, it's not like you see that everyday. At this point all eyes will be on him and his awesome pogo stick. The next step is to show that he really knows what he's doing so he should probably do some flips, like so.

That's blood, not a cool afro

Ok, leave out the part where your head splits open and you should be good to go. I'm pretty sure that will hurt a guys chances with the woman he's trying to impress. Now that you've most likely thoroughly impressed all the women in the vicinity of that flip you did, ask the one you've got your eye on out. Make sure though that it's something more original than just walking up to her and asking. You can try and send her one of my patented Bear-o-grams:

Look how happy she is

The bear has a piece of paper taped to it's chest asking whether or not she wants to go out with you. If the woman ends up running away from the bear, well at least you tried. You can always go with any of these other perfectly acceptable(also patented ideas):

The rabid dog gram

And the terribly drawn falcon gram

All those fancy ways of asking the girl you like out should have worked for you, or you moved on after the bear-o-gram killed her(bear-o-gram is not responsible for any deaths). Well now that she's finally gonna go out with you, you have to think of where you're going to take her on your first date. The best place to take a girl on the first date is a fancy restaurant. Take her somewhere nice, most likely foreign.

"Mmmmmm, chilled monkey brains"

And if you think that it may be a restaurant where you're going to need to dress up, you can always wear your best suit.

Classiest guy in the room

And that my faithful readers, are the best steps that a man can take in trying to impress a woman, even when asking her out or you're on a date. Remember to gain her attention, ask her out, take her to a nice restaurant, and wear your best suit, because that's the sure fire way to impress the ladies, or not.

It was bound to happen

The Scary Door

It's been too long since my last post, and I'm blaming that on the test I had on Friday. But now that I have a little bit more free time this week than I had last week, so expect another post apart from this one coming on Thursday. Alright, back to the subject at hand, doors.

Doors are helpful in letting you in somewhere without having to climb through the window. They are also pretty annoying for a number of reasons, but before I tell you those reasons I'm gonna show you some doors when they're trying to act all innocent. This is a door:

This is also a door(more like 2 doors):

Here we have another door:

This is not a refrigerator

Then finally we have a door within a door:

Yo dawg I heard you like doors, so I put a door in your door....

All these doors look innocent enough, allowing people to enter and exit places without having to pull a mission impossible. But doors are really one of the most evil things to exist, because of the ability they have to make a person look completely idiotic.

Prepare to make an ass of yourself

You may be thinking "Doors can't really be that bad, I don't remember having any troubles with doors before", but you are secretly repressing all of the bad experiences you've had with doors. It's ok to let it all out here, this is a safe place where no doors can harm you.

The first bad experience that I know everyone has had with doors at one point or another always involves sliding glass doors. Here's the setup, you're at the store trying to get some food for dinner or ice for a party so you're in a bit of a rush as it is and the store has a sliding glass door. You walk up to it pretty fast because you expect it to detect your motion and be open when you get to it, but you're not so lucky. You most likely just ran into the door or are just standing there staring at it.

"But my family needs food"

If you're lucky no one around you saw what just happened, but the doors still aren't opening for some reason. Now you have to get down on your knees and beg to the sliding glass door gods to let you in.

"My in-laws are coming over in 30 minutes"

"MY FAMILY WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME"

I'm sure it went exactly as illustrated above, and now you're probably crying and laying in the fetal position trying to make the bad doors go away. It's ok, I'll wait for you to stop crying.

Now if you're done, there's more doors that need to be outed as the true asses that they are. The next culprit is revolving doors.(btw I can't draw a revolving door to save my life)

It's just waiting to screw up your day

 I'm sure that not very many people have encountered revolving doors, as they seem to be a little bit more rare than sliding glass doors, but they're just as dangerous(to your well being that is).  See the thing about sliding glass doors is that they can only really block you from getting in or out of somewhere. But with revolving doors you can actually get stuck inside of the door. Just imagine trying to get to work and you get stuck in the revolving door. Everyone is looking at you, mocking you, while you sit in the revolving door trying to get it to keep going around.

Commence being laughed at

Then when you're lucky enough to get through, you're going to be thinking in the back of your head how you have to go back through that horrible contraption to go home. Soon enough you'll never want to go home, as the mocking from earlier in the day starts to get to you. Eventually you'll find yourself sitting in your cubicle in the middle of the day crying.

"Those people weren't laughing with me"

Those 2 types of doors are the most obvious ones that always manage to make you look like a fool in any kind of setting. The only way to get around them is to jump through the window, and damned if you don't look like a criminal doing that.

Walking is Boring

Walking around campus lately I've seen a lot of people riding around on bikes and even scooters, so I was trying to figure out some other modes of transportation that might be able to get me around even quicker. Of course driving is always an option, but if you knew anything about the parking situation on campus you wouldn't dare move your car in the middle of the day once you've found a spot. I think I came up with a few ideas that may be a bit out of ordinary but are definitely comparable alternatives to walking(which is boring anyways, why not have fun while you're going somewhere). First thing that came to mind was a bike, I know you're probably thinking "Andrew that's so boring, you'll be like everyone else on campus" but I wasn't thinking about a modern bike I was thinking old school bike.

Real old school

I know the guy looks kinda sad on the bike but let's be realistic, I would be scared the entire time I'm on that thing. This bike makes getting hurt an even easier task. The positives about the bike though are that you would probably get where you're going faster than if you were on a modern bike because of the bigger wheel, and what woman doesn't like a man on an 18th century bicycle. It's sure to turn a few heads. But since finding one of these things in tact is probably impossible(as in I didn't even look it up) I'm moving on to another great idea for transportation, the canoe.

Just don't run into people

It's probably not great that when it rains so much that a viable option for transportation is actually a canoe. The main walkway on campus actually gets so flooded sometimes that the only way to get through there would have to be in a canoe. Some minor setbacks to using a canoe to get around campus though would be going uphill(yeah that's not happening), you have to have at least one friend to paddle the canoe with you, and there's nowhere to park it once you finally get to your destination. Since a canoe is out of the picture on days when it's not actually raining(as seldom as that may be), a great alternative is a hot air balloon.

The sky's the limit, oh and airplanes

Just think about how awesome it would be to be the only person on campus traveling to class in a hot air balloon. I'm sure it wouldn't be that hard to find parking for it, you could just land it on any old roof and you're right there at your class. Sure, the fuel for that thing might run you a little much but a hot air balloon sure would allow you to stand out.  So the next time you're looking for a way to get around campus, or just in general, go with the hot air balloon and be the most badass person you can be.

Odd jobs

With no classes today, I plan on reading and continuing my search for a job. Looking for a job had me thinking of some of the jobs that I've seen people have and whether or not I would be willing to accept a similar fate. The first job that immediately comes to mind is the hot dog suit guy:

Look how happy that guy is that he gets to stand outside a hot dog place all day, dancing around all weirdly. But the truth of the matter is that he's crying on the inside and at the end of the day he just sits at home wallowing in his own hot dog suit.

Sweet sweet hot dog tears

That's one job that I probably wouldn't really want to have, I don't want to go to years of therapy for a fear of me becoming part of the hot dog suit. In that situation though at least the guy can take off the hot dog suit and have a normal life if he wanted to. A job where I like to think that's not so possible is as one of those stilt walkers that kind of wanders around the Mummy Ride at Universal.

I know you're probably thinking that walking around all day can't be too bad. But how the hell do you get off those things without anyone's help, you don't. So then you have to live in a tree all by yourself waiting for your next day of work.

Birds are his only friends

Sure the guy could use a ladder to get down but where's the fun in that. I say he build a tree house up there and it would make his job way easier. The final job that I could really think of right now that would have terrible effects on a person's social life is as a clown:

I mean seriously, who the hell wants to hang out with a clown? They're like the most terrifying thing to exist ever. This is every encounter with a clown:

When you finally realize your only friend is a clown

Clowns are just weird and possibly terrifying depending on childhood encounters with them. So as a job, being a clown probably isn't a good idea if you want to maintain friends, but there's always hot dog guy you can hang out with.

Clown + Hot dog guy = Made for each other