Not Cool Man

Finals week is over at last, with my final exam of the week being my Programming one at 7:30 in the morning on Friday. Overall the week wasn't too bad but the last 2 weeks following Thanksgiving Break didn't give me a lot of time to make another blog post. So now that it's Winter Break I plan on getting out at least 2-3 blog posts over the time and possibly even more. Today's idea came to me when I was riding down in the elevator after Physics one day.

I don't feel as bad when I'm not the only one being lazy.

The building that Physics is in is usually the busiest building on campus so when we were getting onto the elevator on the 3rd floor it was natural that a lot of people were gonna get on. The elevator was completely full so when we went down and it stopped at the 2nd floor the people that were waiting there were just going to wait for the next one, but one man decided he could fit. He would soon see the error in his ways.

It's now becoming obvious, that hot dog guy is an asshole.

So as we're all trying to squeeze into the elevator even tighter to fit this one guy he hits the alarm button on the elevator, which causes it to go off and the doors to remain open.

The looks say it all

And if you can't read looks have some words

The look on the guy's face was one of not only regret but disappointment, because now he was being stared at by every single person on the elevator. The elevator was now not going down anymore because the fact that the alarm went off. Everyone then had to take the stairs down from 2 and they made sure to give the guy the nastiest looks on the way off the elevator.

Now we all know why he's always crying, because he deserves it.

Something else that seems to get people aggravated in regards to the elevators there is when someone rushes to catch an elevator where everyone is going to 3 and the proceeds to press 2. I would say that that person could easily just walk the flight of stairs down from 3 but I'm also pretty lazy, I'm just thankful that I never had to do something that makes me look like a jerk like that.

Smells that Stay

It has come to my attention that it's been way too long since my last post and I need to do something to rectify that situation, so here I am. I think the thing that kinda makes me take a while in getting posts up is the drawing but that's the most fun part so I never wanted stop those. This week I kinda thought back to an idea I had a little while ago that I'm sure many people have encountered in various situations and that's the way people smell. Good or bad, you know the way people smell is gonna be interesting experience.

You're probably think what it was that made me think about the way people smell and it was a bad experience greater than any other I've had. I was sitting in Mythology one day and the class had started and no one else was around me because it was a Friday.

All the mythology is mine for the taking

But then the girl that normally sits next to me walks in and sits down. The smell that starts generating from her direction brought me back to the days of high school biology. She legitimately smelled like formaldehyde, and there was nothing that I could do about the situation because we have assigned seats.

What have I done

So I'm just kind of sitting there as she sits down and the smell just hits me in the face and I just start leaning slowly away from her. Since the guy that usually sits on the other side isn't next to me on the other side I take the opportunity to distance myself as much as possible from her.

Maximum lean angle has been reached

It worked for a while until the air would blow that smell my direction and then my concentration on the class was broken.

The whole situation made me wonder how bad someone can smell before I'm allowed to say something. Society says that it's wrong for me to tell the girl that smells extremely awful that she smells that way because it makes me seem rude, even though I'm just trying to save everyone else that might end up in that same situation. Maybe it's just because I see that girl a lot that I'm not really allowed to say she smells bad but I wonder if I were in an elevator with the same person just one time if I could say something.

In this dramatic reenactment, the part of the girl that smells like formaldehyde is played by hot dog guy.

Because in an elevator, I'm sure that I'm not the only person that is smelling the same thing, so it's just me speaking for the group at that point. It's also not like we asked to ride the elevator with someone that smelled bad, I think most of the blame falls back on that person.

He just wants to be loved

Going back to the girl in my myth class, I really wonder if she doesn't know that she smells that bad, because I was under the impression that everyone smelled the same thing. I didn't think that something that might smell really bad to one person could smell really good to someone else. I was pretty positive that perfume counters try not to sell people stuff that smells really awful, but maybe I'm wrong and they could just be selling bad smelling perfumes so you'll eventually have to cover them up with something that smells good. It's just a constant circle of horrible smells, possibly with a couple good ones in between.

Results May Vary

I was thinking about what I was going to write for this week, being as I promised another post, and I don't want to disappoint whoever reads every post of this thing. So then I started thinking up what might be a good topic of conversation that could possibly end in tears, because somehow all of my drawings end in tears. The best topic that I could come up with is the best ways to impress a woman.

I'm definitely not one to be talking about the best ways to impress woman, because right now I'm single and have been for a while, but fear not. The tips that I will provide in this post will most likely gain guys some sort of attention from women but if not, at least you tried and probably failed miserably. The key to gaining anyone's attention starts with standing out of course, and the best way to stand out is by riding a pogo stick.

This is gonna be good....

Look how cool that guy is on that pogo stick, it's not like you see that everyday. At this point all eyes will be on him and his awesome pogo stick. The next step is to show that he really knows what he's doing so he should probably do some flips, like so.

That's blood, not a cool afro

Ok, leave out the part where your head splits open and you should be good to go. I'm pretty sure that will hurt a guys chances with the woman he's trying to impress. Now that you've most likely thoroughly impressed all the women in the vicinity of that flip you did, ask the one you've got your eye on out. Make sure though that it's something more original than just walking up to her and asking. You can try and send her one of my patented Bear-o-grams:

Look how happy she is

The bear has a piece of paper taped to it's chest asking whether or not she wants to go out with you. If the woman ends up running away from the bear, well at least you tried. You can always go with any of these other perfectly acceptable(also patented ideas):

The rabid dog gram

And the terribly drawn falcon gram

All those fancy ways of asking the girl you like out should have worked for you, or you moved on after the bear-o-gram killed her(bear-o-gram is not responsible for any deaths). Well now that she's finally gonna go out with you, you have to think of where you're going to take her on your first date. The best place to take a girl on the first date is a fancy restaurant. Take her somewhere nice, most likely foreign.

"Mmmmmm, chilled monkey brains"

And if you think that it may be a restaurant where you're going to need to dress up, you can always wear your best suit.

Classiest guy in the room

And that my faithful readers, are the best steps that a man can take in trying to impress a woman, even when asking her out or you're on a date. Remember to gain her attention, ask her out, take her to a nice restaurant, and wear your best suit, because that's the sure fire way to impress the ladies, or not.

It was bound to happen

Odd jobs

With no classes today, I plan on reading and continuing my search for a job. Looking for a job had me thinking of some of the jobs that I've seen people have and whether or not I would be willing to accept a similar fate. The first job that immediately comes to mind is the hot dog suit guy:

Look how happy that guy is that he gets to stand outside a hot dog place all day, dancing around all weirdly. But the truth of the matter is that he's crying on the inside and at the end of the day he just sits at home wallowing in his own hot dog suit.

Sweet sweet hot dog tears

That's one job that I probably wouldn't really want to have, I don't want to go to years of therapy for a fear of me becoming part of the hot dog suit. In that situation though at least the guy can take off the hot dog suit and have a normal life if he wanted to. A job where I like to think that's not so possible is as one of those stilt walkers that kind of wanders around the Mummy Ride at Universal.

I know you're probably thinking that walking around all day can't be too bad. But how the hell do you get off those things without anyone's help, you don't. So then you have to live in a tree all by yourself waiting for your next day of work.

Birds are his only friends

Sure the guy could use a ladder to get down but where's the fun in that. I say he build a tree house up there and it would make his job way easier. The final job that I could really think of right now that would have terrible effects on a person's social life is as a clown:

I mean seriously, who the hell wants to hang out with a clown? They're like the most terrifying thing to exist ever. This is every encounter with a clown:

When you finally realize your only friend is a clown

Clowns are just weird and possibly terrifying depending on childhood encounters with them. So as a job, being a clown probably isn't a good idea if you want to maintain friends, but there's always hot dog guy you can hang out with.

Clown + Hot dog guy = Made for each other