Swift Maneuverability

This summer has been pretty boring so far, only a couple instances of awesome times being had. I blame that on the lack of things to do here at home as well as my pretty weak imagination. Today was shaping up to be another one of those boring days, filling out applications beginning when I woke up but then something magical happened. I was told that I had to go to Walmart with my Dad to pick up some stuff for the week, what some would probably call a mundane task. However, I knew that Walmart was more than just a place for shopping, it was a place for me to brush up on my skills, in the ancient art of people dodging.

The Battleground

Now some of you may be asking me, "What the hell is people dodging?", and that's a legitimate question. I know a lot of people just kind of get blocked by other people when they're shopping, like running into a slow moving brick wall. I, however, do not like getting stuck behind slow moving people and it happens to me more than I would like, something I would attribute to my long legs. So in an attempt to move around the people that are slowing me down, I use my people dodging skills.

This is what slow people look like to me

I first had to really hone my skills in high school, when I had to make it to class in a certain amount of time and there was a 100% chance that I was gonna encounter slow moving people. I snaked my way through the crowds pretty well, but being an amateur at the time there were multiple collisions and horrible pileups that occurred because of them.

This just got really awkward

In college though I was able to get better at it, and that might also have been because of their being more options for avoiding people. So today when I was in the store I managed to keep my collisions to 0 even though there were a couple close calls, like when I was in the pharmacy section and I had to make a wide right to avoid someone else. Besides running into someone, the biggest risk is that awkward moment following a collision. It may be the reason why some people don't take the risk of people dodging, but I have to say the time saved is worth the risk taken.

Hopefully that excuse works. If not, run away.

So next time you're in Walmart or anywhere else that's extremely crowded just try to weave in between people and see how many you can avoid. You may get lucky and not hit anyone, but prepare for some awkward glances when you do.

Back to Basics

It's been a good 5 months since I've posted anything and I'm back to put my opinion on the internet. I ran out of free time this last semester of school and this blog had to be put on the back burner. But now, it's summer time again, the time when this blog began, and a good time to bring it back to life.

It's summer break and I plan on seeing a movie tomorrow, Scream 4. Don't judge me, I've been a fan of the series since the beginning and wanna see where it ends up. It made me think of the type of people I'm gonna have to deal with in theater tomorrow. As is typical with a scary movie, the audience is usually the annoying kind that decides to talk at the screen (THEY CAN'T HEAR YOU THROUGH THE 4TH WALL). That's only the tip of the iceberg of annoying movie theater patrons that is sinking my titanic of movie enjoyment.(Did you see that metaphor right there? It's a sign I've thought about this before.)

Kinda how it feels

The next obvious annoyance in any movie theater is definitely the person on their cell phone. I understand an attempt at a quick text or something while trying to hide the light from your phone but I'm talking about people that answer phone calls in the theater. You may not think that people are actually inconsiderate enough to do that but I've seen it happen before, twice from the same person. The girl got a phone call, answered it, hung up, then answered another phone call before she was booed out of the theater. Why would a person come to a movie, then talk to someone else during it, I DON'T GET IT. I can kinda understand people not really caring back at college where the movies are free but I would probably reach back and slap someone trying to attempt that stuff in a theater where I paid.

Pictured: Me, cursing her name.

If the person on the cell phone doesn't make you lose some faith in humanity then how about the person that kicks your chair throughout the movie. Nothing like my chair vibrating in tune with the action on screen, oh wait that's not supposed to happen, and that vibration is not in tune with the movie. Turns out the person sitting behind you would like to know they're sitting there, every, 10, seconds. It's pretty inconsiderate, strike that, it's extremely inconsiderate, but a lot of people just don't care. You can always try to turn around and glare at the person but they might not even be paying attention, so all you get is a distraction from your movie. Or you could attempt to talk to the person but then...

You are the person that I was initially talking about. In your fruitless attempt to the become the savior of the movie theater you've become the person talking during the movie. It's such a shame that many souls go down this inevitable road, and theirs not much in the way of stopping it. The only way is for people to stop being assholes in movie theaters but that's easier said than done for most.

Not Cool Man

Finals week is over at last, with my final exam of the week being my Programming one at 7:30 in the morning on Friday. Overall the week wasn't too bad but the last 2 weeks following Thanksgiving Break didn't give me a lot of time to make another blog post. So now that it's Winter Break I plan on getting out at least 2-3 blog posts over the time and possibly even more. Today's idea came to me when I was riding down in the elevator after Physics one day.

I don't feel as bad when I'm not the only one being lazy.

The building that Physics is in is usually the busiest building on campus so when we were getting onto the elevator on the 3rd floor it was natural that a lot of people were gonna get on. The elevator was completely full so when we went down and it stopped at the 2nd floor the people that were waiting there were just going to wait for the next one, but one man decided he could fit. He would soon see the error in his ways.

It's now becoming obvious, that hot dog guy is an asshole.

So as we're all trying to squeeze into the elevator even tighter to fit this one guy he hits the alarm button on the elevator, which causes it to go off and the doors to remain open.

The looks say it all

And if you can't read looks have some words

The look on the guy's face was one of not only regret but disappointment, because now he was being stared at by every single person on the elevator. The elevator was now not going down anymore because the fact that the alarm went off. Everyone then had to take the stairs down from 2 and they made sure to give the guy the nastiest looks on the way off the elevator.

Now we all know why he's always crying, because he deserves it.

Something else that seems to get people aggravated in regards to the elevators there is when someone rushes to catch an elevator where everyone is going to 3 and the proceeds to press 2. I would say that that person could easily just walk the flight of stairs down from 3 but I'm also pretty lazy, I'm just thankful that I never had to do something that makes me look like a jerk like that.

Smells that Stay

It has come to my attention that it's been way too long since my last post and I need to do something to rectify that situation, so here I am. I think the thing that kinda makes me take a while in getting posts up is the drawing but that's the most fun part so I never wanted stop those. This week I kinda thought back to an idea I had a little while ago that I'm sure many people have encountered in various situations and that's the way people smell. Good or bad, you know the way people smell is gonna be interesting experience.

You're probably think what it was that made me think about the way people smell and it was a bad experience greater than any other I've had. I was sitting in Mythology one day and the class had started and no one else was around me because it was a Friday.

All the mythology is mine for the taking

But then the girl that normally sits next to me walks in and sits down. The smell that starts generating from her direction brought me back to the days of high school biology. She legitimately smelled like formaldehyde, and there was nothing that I could do about the situation because we have assigned seats.

What have I done

So I'm just kind of sitting there as she sits down and the smell just hits me in the face and I just start leaning slowly away from her. Since the guy that usually sits on the other side isn't next to me on the other side I take the opportunity to distance myself as much as possible from her.

Maximum lean angle has been reached

It worked for a while until the air would blow that smell my direction and then my concentration on the class was broken.

The whole situation made me wonder how bad someone can smell before I'm allowed to say something. Society says that it's wrong for me to tell the girl that smells extremely awful that she smells that way because it makes me seem rude, even though I'm just trying to save everyone else that might end up in that same situation. Maybe it's just because I see that girl a lot that I'm not really allowed to say she smells bad but I wonder if I were in an elevator with the same person just one time if I could say something.

In this dramatic reenactment, the part of the girl that smells like formaldehyde is played by hot dog guy.

Because in an elevator, I'm sure that I'm not the only person that is smelling the same thing, so it's just me speaking for the group at that point. It's also not like we asked to ride the elevator with someone that smelled bad, I think most of the blame falls back on that person.

He just wants to be loved

Going back to the girl in my myth class, I really wonder if she doesn't know that she smells that bad, because I was under the impression that everyone smelled the same thing. I didn't think that something that might smell really bad to one person could smell really good to someone else. I was pretty positive that perfume counters try not to sell people stuff that smells really awful, but maybe I'm wrong and they could just be selling bad smelling perfumes so you'll eventually have to cover them up with something that smells good. It's just a constant circle of horrible smells, possibly with a couple good ones in between.

Free-for-all

I realized today that my college experience seems to be filled with receiving large amounts of free stuff on a weekly basis. I already knew that it was mostly filled with free food and fliers but I was really excited when Schick was giving away free razors today. It makes me wonder how horrible something free has to be before I refuse to take it, sure it's easy to refuse things like fliers but how can you possibly refuse a free shirt.

"....and the bloodstains are practically all gone."

Now that I think about it I have a really low standard at which I take free things. I actually took a free t-shirt from the Denny's grand opening on campus not too long ago just because it was a free shirt. After I took the shirt I thought about how I would never wear it because I don't want people to think I work at Denny's. It's probably just gonna sit in my closet on a hanger waiting for a day where it can be worn, which is most likely never. There may be an odd instance where I'm gonna need clothes for painting or something and I'll have a shirt for it. Hell, I could even wear it on Halloween and be a Denny's worker, that's pretty scary.

It's almost the ghost of a person

It makes me wonder where I would draw the line of things that I would take for free, I'm pretty sure that I wouldn't take a free sample of any type of fully organic food, because I just find that stuff gross. But I say that now, and on Monday I can see them giving out like organic health bars in the union and if I'm hungry I may take a whole handful.

"What about the orphans?"

It seems that my willingness to accept something that is handed to me is based on how desperate I am in getting something free that day or if I'm really hungry. However, I think that if I were handed something a bit more dangerous than some free organic food bars then I may have another opinion on the matter all together. What if someone were to start giving out dangerous animals one day, I would most definitely accept them if they were in a cage.

And only 2 left, what are the odds

But if the dangerous animals were just released onto to campus and you had to cage them yourself then there's no way in hell I would take them, even though they're free.

They just want to give you free hugs

My limit for taking something that's free seems to all depend on how dangerous something is, and how out of the way it would be for me to get it. Free dangerous animals would be awesome if they were all in cages, because then they're not really dangerous. As soon as the animals are just let loose then I have to do too much work to get one and they're really not free anymore.

Strange Things

This past week has been pretty busy but incredibly awesome at the same, and now I'm back with a little bit of free time and ready to post something new. I've been walking around campus a lot lately and I've noticed that the sidewalks can get really awkward really fast. What I'm talking about is how you encounter someone on a sidewalk that just happens to be walking on the same side as you, prepare for the situation to get weird.

 So you think, "Ok I'll just move to the other side of the sidewalk so I can go around". But little do you know, the person walking towards you is thinking the exact same thing.

"I'm never getting to class on time"

The situation will quickly escalate from that point, and you'll both end up countering each others moves. Then when you finally run into one another, you just try and laugh it off but in reality you're crying on the inside. There was one girl that I encountered in this type of situation that had a sort of evil laugh after we couldn't figure out which way to go, like she planned. Right after we walked past each other I was thinking in my mind that she wanted me to look stupid so she was blocking my path on purpose and that's why she had an evil laugh. I've been trying to come up with a good way to stop this from happening again and I may have come up with something.

The most obvious solution is a shirt that directs anyone walking towards you to the right side of the sidewalk.

He has no pants. Get over it.

That solution however doesn't work if you encounter an illiterate on your journey, or a blind person for that matter, so you may just have to take advantage of the awkwardness and make it even more awkward. The best approach to increasing the awkwardness is to try and high five the person in the process of trying to avoid them.

High five for being awesome

The key to winning a sidewalk stare down means that you have to make the person walking towards you feel more uncomfortable then you feel. Attempting to give the person a high five definitely accomplishes this goal because most people aren't sure how to react when a stranger goes for a high five. But then what's even better is if right when they go to give you a high five, make it seem like you were waving to someone behind them then no matter if they go for the high five or not they end up in an extremely awkward position. Or you could be like that girl that I walked past that just started laughing all evil like at me as I walked past, because that planted a crazy psychological doubt in my mind about how I walk on a sidewalk.

More to Come

It's been well over a week since my latest post and I just haven't had the time to make any new drawings. I wanted to ensure whoever reads this that I still plan on posting weekly but that this week was pretty busy, and I'm pretty sure I can expect next week to be the same way. Even if it is I'm going to try and come up with another post that hopefully will make some people laugh, others cry, and the last group of people laugh at people crying. I'm going to count this as an intermediate blog post where I really don't talk about anything but it let's people know I don't want this thing to die, so I'll leave you with a song that's been in my head since I saw the band in concert on Tuesday. It's a great song that sound even better when it was played live.


Another band that was there was The Lonely Forest and they have some pretty good stuff, I might as well link to one of their songs that I think is the best.



I hope you enjoy those while I work on something that has a little bit more to it in terms of actual talking points.

The Pressure's On

I had no idea how much fun drawing bears was until I finished my last blog post. The only thing that's really annoying about drawing bears though is the fact that their eyes are all weird and so I found a way to solve that problem. Before I get to the actual topic of this post I drew you some more pictures of bears, fixing the problem that I had with their eyes.

Only you can prevent looking lame

He just wants a hug

I totally just added sunglasses so that I could just ignore drawing the eyes all together. But that's enough with the bears for this post, but expect more rogue bears later as I perfect my bear drawing abilities.

This week's topic of conversation is one that I know everyone has experienced and I guess it can be considered peer pressure. It's not the type of "come do drugs cause they're cool" peer pressure, because that's just stupid. The peer pressure I'm talking about is the kind that you experience just doing normal everyday activities like getting a drink of water from a water fountain.

It's just water, or so you think...

It starts off with it just being you behind another guy at the water fountain and you're thinking about how you'll be able to get a huge drink of water since no one's behind you. But you could only dream to be that lucky.

The point when everyone became thirsty

Suddenly, a line of 3 or 4 people forms as soon as the person before you is done getting a drink. Now the only thing that you can think about while you're getting a drink is how you're making the people behind you wait to get a drink. The pressure starts digging in, and most likely at this point the water that's coming from the fountain has decided to only come out in single drops just to build that pressure up even more. Eventually you'll leave the water fountain, getting way less to drink than you originally intended.

"That should be my water."

Now you're dehydrated still and are going to be thinking about how dry your throat is until you get something else to drink. This kind of peer pressure isn't just experienced at water fountains, it also comes up in regular conversations.

Everyone has been in the situation where they're hanging out with a large group of people, but the rest of the group is split with other conversations. So you decide this is the perfect time to tell a joke you heard to the 3 people listening.

"So a cow walks into a bar..."

But all of a sudden, the rest of the group stops talking to each other and focuses on you. You've been singled out as the only person that's carrying on a conversation anymore and everyone wants to hear what you have to say. Now that joke you're telling better make people laugh, or you kinda look like an idiot.

"And the whole village was destroyed"

You then end up realizing half way through the joke that it's really not funny at all and that it's actually a news story that you heard on CNN, how you got the two confused you'll never know. It's too late though, you already told the joke and no one laughed. The entire atmosphere has fallen into an awkward silence with you trying to hide your tears with the only laughter.

"Get it, the whole village"

The joke backfired terribly and made you look like an insensitive jerk that makes jokes about entire villages being destroyed. You might have been able to avoid the situation with the smaller group by simply saying "Oh wait, this was a story I heard" and only a few people would question how you could get 2 things like that mixed up. But after starting the joke with the larger group you can't just go back because then you've disappointed twice as many people. There's no way to win in a situation like that where the pressure is on and you realize the terrible mistake you have made when it's too late to turn back.

Results May Vary

I was thinking about what I was going to write for this week, being as I promised another post, and I don't want to disappoint whoever reads every post of this thing. So then I started thinking up what might be a good topic of conversation that could possibly end in tears, because somehow all of my drawings end in tears. The best topic that I could come up with is the best ways to impress a woman.

I'm definitely not one to be talking about the best ways to impress woman, because right now I'm single and have been for a while, but fear not. The tips that I will provide in this post will most likely gain guys some sort of attention from women but if not, at least you tried and probably failed miserably. The key to gaining anyone's attention starts with standing out of course, and the best way to stand out is by riding a pogo stick.

This is gonna be good....

Look how cool that guy is on that pogo stick, it's not like you see that everyday. At this point all eyes will be on him and his awesome pogo stick. The next step is to show that he really knows what he's doing so he should probably do some flips, like so.

That's blood, not a cool afro

Ok, leave out the part where your head splits open and you should be good to go. I'm pretty sure that will hurt a guys chances with the woman he's trying to impress. Now that you've most likely thoroughly impressed all the women in the vicinity of that flip you did, ask the one you've got your eye on out. Make sure though that it's something more original than just walking up to her and asking. You can try and send her one of my patented Bear-o-grams:

Look how happy she is

The bear has a piece of paper taped to it's chest asking whether or not she wants to go out with you. If the woman ends up running away from the bear, well at least you tried. You can always go with any of these other perfectly acceptable(also patented ideas):

The rabid dog gram

And the terribly drawn falcon gram

All those fancy ways of asking the girl you like out should have worked for you, or you moved on after the bear-o-gram killed her(bear-o-gram is not responsible for any deaths). Well now that she's finally gonna go out with you, you have to think of where you're going to take her on your first date. The best place to take a girl on the first date is a fancy restaurant. Take her somewhere nice, most likely foreign.

"Mmmmmm, chilled monkey brains"

And if you think that it may be a restaurant where you're going to need to dress up, you can always wear your best suit.

Classiest guy in the room

And that my faithful readers, are the best steps that a man can take in trying to impress a woman, even when asking her out or you're on a date. Remember to gain her attention, ask her out, take her to a nice restaurant, and wear your best suit, because that's the sure fire way to impress the ladies, or not.

It was bound to happen

The Scary Door

It's been too long since my last post, and I'm blaming that on the test I had on Friday. But now that I have a little bit more free time this week than I had last week, so expect another post apart from this one coming on Thursday. Alright, back to the subject at hand, doors.

Doors are helpful in letting you in somewhere without having to climb through the window. They are also pretty annoying for a number of reasons, but before I tell you those reasons I'm gonna show you some doors when they're trying to act all innocent. This is a door:

This is also a door(more like 2 doors):

Here we have another door:

This is not a refrigerator

Then finally we have a door within a door:

Yo dawg I heard you like doors, so I put a door in your door....

All these doors look innocent enough, allowing people to enter and exit places without having to pull a mission impossible. But doors are really one of the most evil things to exist, because of the ability they have to make a person look completely idiotic.

Prepare to make an ass of yourself

You may be thinking "Doors can't really be that bad, I don't remember having any troubles with doors before", but you are secretly repressing all of the bad experiences you've had with doors. It's ok to let it all out here, this is a safe place where no doors can harm you.

The first bad experience that I know everyone has had with doors at one point or another always involves sliding glass doors. Here's the setup, you're at the store trying to get some food for dinner or ice for a party so you're in a bit of a rush as it is and the store has a sliding glass door. You walk up to it pretty fast because you expect it to detect your motion and be open when you get to it, but you're not so lucky. You most likely just ran into the door or are just standing there staring at it.

"But my family needs food"

If you're lucky no one around you saw what just happened, but the doors still aren't opening for some reason. Now you have to get down on your knees and beg to the sliding glass door gods to let you in.

"My in-laws are coming over in 30 minutes"

"MY FAMILY WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME"

I'm sure it went exactly as illustrated above, and now you're probably crying and laying in the fetal position trying to make the bad doors go away. It's ok, I'll wait for you to stop crying.

Now if you're done, there's more doors that need to be outed as the true asses that they are. The next culprit is revolving doors.(btw I can't draw a revolving door to save my life)

It's just waiting to screw up your day

 I'm sure that not very many people have encountered revolving doors, as they seem to be a little bit more rare than sliding glass doors, but they're just as dangerous(to your well being that is).  See the thing about sliding glass doors is that they can only really block you from getting in or out of somewhere. But with revolving doors you can actually get stuck inside of the door. Just imagine trying to get to work and you get stuck in the revolving door. Everyone is looking at you, mocking you, while you sit in the revolving door trying to get it to keep going around.

Commence being laughed at

Then when you're lucky enough to get through, you're going to be thinking in the back of your head how you have to go back through that horrible contraption to go home. Soon enough you'll never want to go home, as the mocking from earlier in the day starts to get to you. Eventually you'll find yourself sitting in your cubicle in the middle of the day crying.

"Those people weren't laughing with me"

Those 2 types of doors are the most obvious ones that always manage to make you look like a fool in any kind of setting. The only way to get around them is to jump through the window, and damned if you don't look like a criminal doing that.