Free-for-all

I realized today that my college experience seems to be filled with receiving large amounts of free stuff on a weekly basis. I already knew that it was mostly filled with free food and fliers but I was really excited when Schick was giving away free razors today. It makes me wonder how horrible something free has to be before I refuse to take it, sure it's easy to refuse things like fliers but how can you possibly refuse a free shirt.

"....and the bloodstains are practically all gone."

Now that I think about it I have a really low standard at which I take free things. I actually took a free t-shirt from the Denny's grand opening on campus not too long ago just because it was a free shirt. After I took the shirt I thought about how I would never wear it because I don't want people to think I work at Denny's. It's probably just gonna sit in my closet on a hanger waiting for a day where it can be worn, which is most likely never. There may be an odd instance where I'm gonna need clothes for painting or something and I'll have a shirt for it. Hell, I could even wear it on Halloween and be a Denny's worker, that's pretty scary.

It's almost the ghost of a person

It makes me wonder where I would draw the line of things that I would take for free, I'm pretty sure that I wouldn't take a free sample of any type of fully organic food, because I just find that stuff gross. But I say that now, and on Monday I can see them giving out like organic health bars in the union and if I'm hungry I may take a whole handful.

"What about the orphans?"

It seems that my willingness to accept something that is handed to me is based on how desperate I am in getting something free that day or if I'm really hungry. However, I think that if I were handed something a bit more dangerous than some free organic food bars then I may have another opinion on the matter all together. What if someone were to start giving out dangerous animals one day, I would most definitely accept them if they were in a cage.

And only 2 left, what are the odds

But if the dangerous animals were just released onto to campus and you had to cage them yourself then there's no way in hell I would take them, even though they're free.

They just want to give you free hugs

My limit for taking something that's free seems to all depend on how dangerous something is, and how out of the way it would be for me to get it. Free dangerous animals would be awesome if they were all in cages, because then they're not really dangerous. As soon as the animals are just let loose then I have to do too much work to get one and they're really not free anymore.

Strange Things

This past week has been pretty busy but incredibly awesome at the same, and now I'm back with a little bit of free time and ready to post something new. I've been walking around campus a lot lately and I've noticed that the sidewalks can get really awkward really fast. What I'm talking about is how you encounter someone on a sidewalk that just happens to be walking on the same side as you, prepare for the situation to get weird.

 So you think, "Ok I'll just move to the other side of the sidewalk so I can go around". But little do you know, the person walking towards you is thinking the exact same thing.

"I'm never getting to class on time"

The situation will quickly escalate from that point, and you'll both end up countering each others moves. Then when you finally run into one another, you just try and laugh it off but in reality you're crying on the inside. There was one girl that I encountered in this type of situation that had a sort of evil laugh after we couldn't figure out which way to go, like she planned. Right after we walked past each other I was thinking in my mind that she wanted me to look stupid so she was blocking my path on purpose and that's why she had an evil laugh. I've been trying to come up with a good way to stop this from happening again and I may have come up with something.

The most obvious solution is a shirt that directs anyone walking towards you to the right side of the sidewalk.

He has no pants. Get over it.

That solution however doesn't work if you encounter an illiterate on your journey, or a blind person for that matter, so you may just have to take advantage of the awkwardness and make it even more awkward. The best approach to increasing the awkwardness is to try and high five the person in the process of trying to avoid them.

High five for being awesome

The key to winning a sidewalk stare down means that you have to make the person walking towards you feel more uncomfortable then you feel. Attempting to give the person a high five definitely accomplishes this goal because most people aren't sure how to react when a stranger goes for a high five. But then what's even better is if right when they go to give you a high five, make it seem like you were waving to someone behind them then no matter if they go for the high five or not they end up in an extremely awkward position. Or you could be like that girl that I walked past that just started laughing all evil like at me as I walked past, because that planted a crazy psychological doubt in my mind about how I walk on a sidewalk.

More to Come

It's been well over a week since my latest post and I just haven't had the time to make any new drawings. I wanted to ensure whoever reads this that I still plan on posting weekly but that this week was pretty busy, and I'm pretty sure I can expect next week to be the same way. Even if it is I'm going to try and come up with another post that hopefully will make some people laugh, others cry, and the last group of people laugh at people crying. I'm going to count this as an intermediate blog post where I really don't talk about anything but it let's people know I don't want this thing to die, so I'll leave you with a song that's been in my head since I saw the band in concert on Tuesday. It's a great song that sound even better when it was played live.


Another band that was there was The Lonely Forest and they have some pretty good stuff, I might as well link to one of their songs that I think is the best.



I hope you enjoy those while I work on something that has a little bit more to it in terms of actual talking points.

The Pressure's On

I had no idea how much fun drawing bears was until I finished my last blog post. The only thing that's really annoying about drawing bears though is the fact that their eyes are all weird and so I found a way to solve that problem. Before I get to the actual topic of this post I drew you some more pictures of bears, fixing the problem that I had with their eyes.

Only you can prevent looking lame

He just wants a hug

I totally just added sunglasses so that I could just ignore drawing the eyes all together. But that's enough with the bears for this post, but expect more rogue bears later as I perfect my bear drawing abilities.

This week's topic of conversation is one that I know everyone has experienced and I guess it can be considered peer pressure. It's not the type of "come do drugs cause they're cool" peer pressure, because that's just stupid. The peer pressure I'm talking about is the kind that you experience just doing normal everyday activities like getting a drink of water from a water fountain.

It's just water, or so you think...

It starts off with it just being you behind another guy at the water fountain and you're thinking about how you'll be able to get a huge drink of water since no one's behind you. But you could only dream to be that lucky.

The point when everyone became thirsty

Suddenly, a line of 3 or 4 people forms as soon as the person before you is done getting a drink. Now the only thing that you can think about while you're getting a drink is how you're making the people behind you wait to get a drink. The pressure starts digging in, and most likely at this point the water that's coming from the fountain has decided to only come out in single drops just to build that pressure up even more. Eventually you'll leave the water fountain, getting way less to drink than you originally intended.

"That should be my water."

Now you're dehydrated still and are going to be thinking about how dry your throat is until you get something else to drink. This kind of peer pressure isn't just experienced at water fountains, it also comes up in regular conversations.

Everyone has been in the situation where they're hanging out with a large group of people, but the rest of the group is split with other conversations. So you decide this is the perfect time to tell a joke you heard to the 3 people listening.

"So a cow walks into a bar..."

But all of a sudden, the rest of the group stops talking to each other and focuses on you. You've been singled out as the only person that's carrying on a conversation anymore and everyone wants to hear what you have to say. Now that joke you're telling better make people laugh, or you kinda look like an idiot.

"And the whole village was destroyed"

You then end up realizing half way through the joke that it's really not funny at all and that it's actually a news story that you heard on CNN, how you got the two confused you'll never know. It's too late though, you already told the joke and no one laughed. The entire atmosphere has fallen into an awkward silence with you trying to hide your tears with the only laughter.

"Get it, the whole village"

The joke backfired terribly and made you look like an insensitive jerk that makes jokes about entire villages being destroyed. You might have been able to avoid the situation with the smaller group by simply saying "Oh wait, this was a story I heard" and only a few people would question how you could get 2 things like that mixed up. But after starting the joke with the larger group you can't just go back because then you've disappointed twice as many people. There's no way to win in a situation like that where the pressure is on and you realize the terrible mistake you have made when it's too late to turn back.

Results May Vary

I was thinking about what I was going to write for this week, being as I promised another post, and I don't want to disappoint whoever reads every post of this thing. So then I started thinking up what might be a good topic of conversation that could possibly end in tears, because somehow all of my drawings end in tears. The best topic that I could come up with is the best ways to impress a woman.

I'm definitely not one to be talking about the best ways to impress woman, because right now I'm single and have been for a while, but fear not. The tips that I will provide in this post will most likely gain guys some sort of attention from women but if not, at least you tried and probably failed miserably. The key to gaining anyone's attention starts with standing out of course, and the best way to stand out is by riding a pogo stick.

This is gonna be good....

Look how cool that guy is on that pogo stick, it's not like you see that everyday. At this point all eyes will be on him and his awesome pogo stick. The next step is to show that he really knows what he's doing so he should probably do some flips, like so.

That's blood, not a cool afro

Ok, leave out the part where your head splits open and you should be good to go. I'm pretty sure that will hurt a guys chances with the woman he's trying to impress. Now that you've most likely thoroughly impressed all the women in the vicinity of that flip you did, ask the one you've got your eye on out. Make sure though that it's something more original than just walking up to her and asking. You can try and send her one of my patented Bear-o-grams:

Look how happy she is

The bear has a piece of paper taped to it's chest asking whether or not she wants to go out with you. If the woman ends up running away from the bear, well at least you tried. You can always go with any of these other perfectly acceptable(also patented ideas):

The rabid dog gram

And the terribly drawn falcon gram

All those fancy ways of asking the girl you like out should have worked for you, or you moved on after the bear-o-gram killed her(bear-o-gram is not responsible for any deaths). Well now that she's finally gonna go out with you, you have to think of where you're going to take her on your first date. The best place to take a girl on the first date is a fancy restaurant. Take her somewhere nice, most likely foreign.

"Mmmmmm, chilled monkey brains"

And if you think that it may be a restaurant where you're going to need to dress up, you can always wear your best suit.

Classiest guy in the room

And that my faithful readers, are the best steps that a man can take in trying to impress a woman, even when asking her out or you're on a date. Remember to gain her attention, ask her out, take her to a nice restaurant, and wear your best suit, because that's the sure fire way to impress the ladies, or not.

It was bound to happen

The Scary Door

It's been too long since my last post, and I'm blaming that on the test I had on Friday. But now that I have a little bit more free time this week than I had last week, so expect another post apart from this one coming on Thursday. Alright, back to the subject at hand, doors.

Doors are helpful in letting you in somewhere without having to climb through the window. They are also pretty annoying for a number of reasons, but before I tell you those reasons I'm gonna show you some doors when they're trying to act all innocent. This is a door:

This is also a door(more like 2 doors):

Here we have another door:

This is not a refrigerator

Then finally we have a door within a door:

Yo dawg I heard you like doors, so I put a door in your door....

All these doors look innocent enough, allowing people to enter and exit places without having to pull a mission impossible. But doors are really one of the most evil things to exist, because of the ability they have to make a person look completely idiotic.

Prepare to make an ass of yourself

You may be thinking "Doors can't really be that bad, I don't remember having any troubles with doors before", but you are secretly repressing all of the bad experiences you've had with doors. It's ok to let it all out here, this is a safe place where no doors can harm you.

The first bad experience that I know everyone has had with doors at one point or another always involves sliding glass doors. Here's the setup, you're at the store trying to get some food for dinner or ice for a party so you're in a bit of a rush as it is and the store has a sliding glass door. You walk up to it pretty fast because you expect it to detect your motion and be open when you get to it, but you're not so lucky. You most likely just ran into the door or are just standing there staring at it.

"But my family needs food"

If you're lucky no one around you saw what just happened, but the doors still aren't opening for some reason. Now you have to get down on your knees and beg to the sliding glass door gods to let you in.

"My in-laws are coming over in 30 minutes"

"MY FAMILY WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME"

I'm sure it went exactly as illustrated above, and now you're probably crying and laying in the fetal position trying to make the bad doors go away. It's ok, I'll wait for you to stop crying.

Now if you're done, there's more doors that need to be outed as the true asses that they are. The next culprit is revolving doors.(btw I can't draw a revolving door to save my life)

It's just waiting to screw up your day

 I'm sure that not very many people have encountered revolving doors, as they seem to be a little bit more rare than sliding glass doors, but they're just as dangerous(to your well being that is).  See the thing about sliding glass doors is that they can only really block you from getting in or out of somewhere. But with revolving doors you can actually get stuck inside of the door. Just imagine trying to get to work and you get stuck in the revolving door. Everyone is looking at you, mocking you, while you sit in the revolving door trying to get it to keep going around.

Commence being laughed at

Then when you're lucky enough to get through, you're going to be thinking in the back of your head how you have to go back through that horrible contraption to go home. Soon enough you'll never want to go home, as the mocking from earlier in the day starts to get to you. Eventually you'll find yourself sitting in your cubicle in the middle of the day crying.

"Those people weren't laughing with me"

Those 2 types of doors are the most obvious ones that always manage to make you look like a fool in any kind of setting. The only way to get around them is to jump through the window, and damned if you don't look like a criminal doing that.

Walking is Boring

Walking around campus lately I've seen a lot of people riding around on bikes and even scooters, so I was trying to figure out some other modes of transportation that might be able to get me around even quicker. Of course driving is always an option, but if you knew anything about the parking situation on campus you wouldn't dare move your car in the middle of the day once you've found a spot. I think I came up with a few ideas that may be a bit out of ordinary but are definitely comparable alternatives to walking(which is boring anyways, why not have fun while you're going somewhere). First thing that came to mind was a bike, I know you're probably thinking "Andrew that's so boring, you'll be like everyone else on campus" but I wasn't thinking about a modern bike I was thinking old school bike.

Real old school

I know the guy looks kinda sad on the bike but let's be realistic, I would be scared the entire time I'm on that thing. This bike makes getting hurt an even easier task. The positives about the bike though are that you would probably get where you're going faster than if you were on a modern bike because of the bigger wheel, and what woman doesn't like a man on an 18th century bicycle. It's sure to turn a few heads. But since finding one of these things in tact is probably impossible(as in I didn't even look it up) I'm moving on to another great idea for transportation, the canoe.

Just don't run into people

It's probably not great that when it rains so much that a viable option for transportation is actually a canoe. The main walkway on campus actually gets so flooded sometimes that the only way to get through there would have to be in a canoe. Some minor setbacks to using a canoe to get around campus though would be going uphill(yeah that's not happening), you have to have at least one friend to paddle the canoe with you, and there's nowhere to park it once you finally get to your destination. Since a canoe is out of the picture on days when it's not actually raining(as seldom as that may be), a great alternative is a hot air balloon.

The sky's the limit, oh and airplanes

Just think about how awesome it would be to be the only person on campus traveling to class in a hot air balloon. I'm sure it wouldn't be that hard to find parking for it, you could just land it on any old roof and you're right there at your class. Sure, the fuel for that thing might run you a little much but a hot air balloon sure would allow you to stand out.  So the next time you're looking for a way to get around campus, or just in general, go with the hot air balloon and be the most badass person you can be.